and his dad of course.
No connections of love
Besides me loving B and his dad loving she
While the women in my family surrounding, loving me
Pushing each other aside like
“Move I can’t see.”
When I think about who I wanted in that room……… now.
I’d enjoy it better if it were just me.
No possibilities just certainties that I would love my baby and he would love me.
No guessing if his grandma would be good enough.
Will my sister be all the help I need?
Would the deadbeat be a father to his seed?
“JUST LET ME BE.” I screamed.
The room stopped.
“What did we do?
What’s wrong with her?”
“She’s getting ready to push…”
I can’t stop thinking are these people good enough for my Offspring?
Who would you like in the room with you?
And because I expected the people I love to be here for me after the birthing process physically , emotionally, and financially….
I allowed them watch me give birth to a king.
Allowing his father there with no ring.
Looking for commitment in my mother but she only kicked us out a few months after my baby took his first few breathes.
My sister whose just too young to understand that I make my own decisions because I am a true woman.
Rewind time… and ask me again.
I would have killed to have silence looking into your eyes. The world still. Leaving me with my thoughts.
Not harassed by who my baby looks like more
And what we plan to do.
Not giving me a second to process things through.
It’s already bad enough I’m sitting in the hospital room; silly gown
But when I mentioned home birth to moms she just frowned.
Take me back to my roots!
When husbands and midwives knew what to do.
Got my back all fucked; freaking epidural
I never wanted it
But dealing with your dad by my side
Was a bomb waiting to explode
Is it too late for that epidural ma’am?
Cause my baby daddy worrying me
And if you don’t prick me with them needles…
I’m finna go ham
So I settled. By giving birth to a King in a hospital room where white doctors accompanied my baby being born.
Nothing wrong, I just expected things to be… different… like in my dreams.
If I could take it back.. it’d just be me and you..
Who loves you unconditionally, JUST ME.