Meant to BE. 

If I died when I was supposed toI wouldn’t be able to complete all the simple tasks that lead me to my destiny
Like registering an LLC;

Outta the lame state of OKC.. 

Busting my ass at pop-up shops just for the people to Recognize me.
Writing novels, publishing folks, updating a website, keeping track of sales, gaining followers, public speaking… 
About why NOT to die 

or how to keep it all going; 

which was the very thing I didn’t want to do! 
I just want to die.  

Not public speak

Not shake hands 

No meet n greet 
If I died when I was supposed to

I would have forfeited my chance to become this awesome mother to this beautiful kid that wouldn’t even know what it felt like to hear me laugh
Another son without a black mother 

Because of what? 

Life was too hard…

Talk about bitch-ass-mess 
I don’t dare fix my lips to tell people;

I almost killed us both

while carrying the only thing that meant something deeper than living
I wanted to crash into oncoming traffic 

Maybe set it up to look like a tragedy 

Drinking bleach; seemed logical

I even bellyflopped on my floors;

home alone

Punching my abdomen as if I wasn’t carrying the very thing who… 

looks like me,

Talks like me, 

Laughs like me,

Thinks In ways similar to me…
I wanted OUT 

Let me OUT 

Then I got to thinking…

What if B wants the same thing?
Fresh air, 

A chance to be great. 

So I kept breathing… 

for his fair shot 
If I died when I was supposed to

I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the finer things after spending so much time building an award winning company
Leading people to victory

Teaching peers new ways of thinking

Healing the wounded

Raising the young

Caring for my wise; 
I couldn’t do it; dead. 
If I died when I was supposed to

I would never be able to forgive my parents for the lack of things that were taught
instead of letting them know that I appreciate the small things that were instilled into my soul 
Like valuing myself 

Respecting my people 

Owning up to my downfalls 

Speaking honesty 

And loving whole heartedly 
If God would have allowed actions to follow through 
my toes would never touch soil again, 
To actually take my own life, 

I would be devastated 
Looking down wishing I could have a second chance to change the world. 

Wishing I could change the perspective of people who thought they weren’t good enough like me…

Dying would only eliminate any chances of that… 

So, If I would have died when I was supposed to; I wouldn’t be shit. 
Stank THE Goddess.


Bennie Publications 


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