I have had a indescribable journey in my recovery from Postpartum Depression. My actions have been frowned upon. I have been judged for my decision making. I have been hurt due to comments, assumptions, and lies told of me, to me. For the most part; I am ok. To be 💯 I am worried every other day that I will back slide.
-February 2015 great granny funeral on my 21st birthday
-May 2015 gave birth; little support
-June 2015 evicted from apt; I paid full rent alone; stayed alone; couldn’t pay my bills
-October 2015 graduated trade school; no support
-December 2015 fired from my first career job as a massage therapist (because of my skin color and determination to stand up for myself) I worked at theBACKstop (horrible place to work; if you are black)
-January 2016; went back to Langston for a place to stay
-May 2016; dropped out of college
-August 2016; homeless; with a kid
-October 2016 close family friend committed suicide
-Feb/March 2017; I was being stalked (probably still am)
-April 2017 fist fight with a nobody
– a couple months ago; a good friend dies.
-My son hasn’t had a relationship w/ his dad in nearly a year
– Taking care of my siblings/ while taking care of my son
(ANYWAY… the list goes on. We all deal with life issues. But no one has to deal with them alone. Find your support system and milk that! Because dealing with depression: it’s hard to remember my own name at times. I probably couldn’t tell you my age right off the back if it were asked randomly….)
“Most days it’s still hard to sleep
A lot of times I can’t fix my mouth to eat
Plenty times I can’t stand on my own two feet
Often we have vegetables; no meat”
Never judge a book by its cover. You never know what someone is going through. I’ve lived in poverty my entire life (NO BOOST) nothing Is given to me. I demand I TAKE what I deserve.
I pull my own teeth refraining from posting status’ about how I genuinely feel about mental health, dead beat dads, poverty stricken families, and just healing yourself repeatedly in order to carry yourself over to the next day.
I have grown when it comes to publicly shaming myself. It is NOT okay. No matter what obstacles life throws your way; it is never okay to spit out negative energy in public via ANY social media. It is only fuel for those who have no understanding to make a comfy pallet on the floor in your life. ‘WE DONT WANT VISITORS IN OUR HOME’
So those who have judged, snarled, or secretively felt any ill will towards me;
“You don’t know my struggle.” So there is no way in heaven you could ever feel my pain or know my HUSTLE.
I really been in the trenches. And I am STILL on this journey to recovery. No matter how great my acting skills are. My smile only allows you to see the hope I had to manifest within myself to make it out this “Hood” (Mental State; physical state)
Be blissed & KNOW THYSELF.
Study YOU; get familiar; real familiar with yourself. #BestThingGoing
Thank you for your time.